Given the inevitable anxiety about impending doom related to IF, I didn't want to make to much of a fuss, but I did want it to be thoughtful and special. I stopped at the mall on the way home from work and spent about $10 on my big, fabulous surprise.
As I have mentioned before, C and I (and our whole family, for that matter) are huge Phils fans. And Eagles fans. And Flyers fans. But mostly Phillies fans. C has been itching to finally commit to season tickets even though we've been going to dozens of games per season without them. He's been bugging me about it, so I thought I would mess with his head a little.
I wrote up a quick card that said, "I know the Phils haven't been playing as well this year as we had hoped, but there's always next year. This is for next year - you might need it." Of course, I had him completely fooled. As he opened the card, he was all excited, but for totally different reasons.
In the bag was a little Phillies onesie. At first, he just said, "Aww," but looked a little confused. I had already bought him a onesie a while back that said "I listen to death metal with my daddy," but we weren't expecting then. It was just one of those you'll-never-find-this-again-so-just-buy-it-now things. So at first, he's thinking it's another one of these.
Then he says, "Wait. I might need it," and he's piecing it together. I whipped the +HPT from my pocket and he was totally dumbfounded. I told him that the official test was today, but that the line was dark and appeared quickly, so that was a really good sign.
We were on our way out the door to have dinner at a local Italian place, so we discussed it further in the car. I told him that I had tested earlier yesterday morning, but that I just didn't tell him yet. And I told him about how it really hit me when I got that email about the wedding and that we could be parents then. He was excited, overjoyed, but still a little apprehensive.
What are the chances that this isn't real? Can these tests be wrong? When will we know for sure? I must admit, it made me a little sad to see that the very-real nagging anxiety of IF was stuck like a burr in his brain just like mine, and this was the first time I was seeing it.
On the way home from our rather late dinner, he insisted that we stop at a 24-hour Rite Aid and pick up more tests, just to be sure. I had taken a FRER, which is more sensitive than most tests, so I really wanted to take a digital or something a little different. Lucky for me, Clearblue makes a "Double Check" kit that includes two tests of two types - a digital and a plain color-based test.
After dinner, I tested again:
Now this is really starting to feel real. And for the first time in my life, I stared at that test while the little hourglass spun around and I knew. I knew it would be positive. For the first time ever, I felt good about it.
This morning, I think my subconscious was even more excited about beta than my conscious mind. I planned to get up around 7am and leave around 7:30am for the beta. I got up, got dressed and headed for the bathroom for another test. Looking at the clock in the bathroom, I realized that it was not 7:30am, but 6:30am. I woke up an hour early. There was absolutely no going back to sleep, however, and I was already dressed, so I showed up at the RE's office at 7:30am.
And here is the test from this morning:
At beta draw, the phlebotomist asked me if I had tested. I told her that I had tested three times, starting yesterday morning. She said that in all her years, she had never seen a beta come back negative after +HPTs, so we should plan to come back Monday for beta #2.
I can't believe this is really happening... Please let this be the sticky one!
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