Adoption Webinar

Even before I knew that we would struggle with infertility, I still looked into adoption as a viable family-building option.  It also gives me some peace of mind to know that I have a Plan B and a Plan C in the event of another BFN.  Knowing this, I signed C and I up for a webinar about domestic adoption through a local agency located in Wynnewood, PA.

Basically, the webinar was just a Power Point presentation with an adoption consultant speaking through a microphone. The webinar software allowed users to "raise their hands" electronically and ask questions, also via microphone.  Most of the information contained in the webinar was already familiar to me just based on my own research.  There were a few facts, however, that were startlingly grounding.

I knew that the application process would be grueling and that they could and would look into virtually every facet of our personal, legal and financial lives.  As I have said before, if we adopt, we would be relying almost entirely on help from my family.  When they listed the number of reports, histories and forms that they would analyze, I was immediately reluctant. 

I am not at all worried about passing a screening for any part of my personal or professional life.  We are hard-working, incredibly responsible people, but also lively, fun and outgoing.  My house is suitable in every way for children and I even already hold FBI, state police and Childline clearances as a teacher. 

I am concerned about the financial piece, however.  We have very little money outside of our bills and debts.  We are not irresponsible with money, but my job does not pay as much as I had expected when I entered the profession and we are still paying back loans for mine and C's education, as well as our mortgage, taxes and regular bills.  We do not live especially frugally, but I also feel strongly about living happily while we battle infertility. 

If they were to analyze my income and my savings history, I am not sure that we would pass.  It is like a knife in the gut that even if we were able to collect the tens of thousands necessary for adopting, our income, savings, and bills could still prohibit us from being parents.  And what really hurts is that it is up to someone else to decide whether or not we get to be parents.

Someone else watching the webinar asked about the statistics for birthmothers changing their minds during the process.  This was also somewhat disheartening.  In the adoption community, a "disappointment" is when a birthmother changes her mind and decides to keep the child before the baby is placed with the adoptive parents.  A "disruption" is when the decision is made after the child has been placed.  While both would be devastating, I hadn't even considered the latter too much, but during the webinar I learned that not only does this happen, but that in Pennsylvania, the birthparents have 30 days to do so. 

I had read over the fee schedule for adoption before and it was also shockingly high.  There were several fees on the list, however, that were marked with asterisks indicating that they might not apply depending on the situation.  Obviously, I hoped that many of these fees would not apply to us.  According to the estimates in the webinar, though, most of them will.  The estimate range that she gave was higher than expected.  In addition, the adoption tax credit is not as forgiving as we had originally understood, and it may be ending given the dire straits of the economy and tax-funded programs.

Overall, the webinar was disheartening.  Any information covered was either a rehashing of things I already knew, or a grimmer presentation of facts that I had already feared.  Adopting is already almost a complete financial impossibility and learning these new twists and turns made the realization even more difficult. 

It looks like trying even two or three cycles of IVF would be a lot more affordable than adopting, assuming that we would have any success, and it may even be less emotionally draining.  Let's hope we don't make it that far...