Well, that's weird...

It's been a while since I checked in and quite a few things have happened during this cycle.  After my early baseline, I got the OK to start taking meds on CD3.  As required by the study, I went back on CD10 for my check-in ultrasound and there were two measurable follicles in the right ovary.  Already, this was looking good to me.  In my long asssssss history of IUIs, there have only been two occasions when I developed two follicles.  Every other time, there had only been one. 

These two follies, however, were not big enough yet, as is usually expected for me, so I had to return on CD12 for another ultrasound.  This time, there were not two, but three measurable follicles in the right ovary.  This is officially the biggest response I have ever had to meds.

They had some RE fellow do the scan and she was unable to find my left ovary.  It is usually hiding and I have to press down on my abdomen, but this was totally different.  They had two doctors in there and the fellow digging around with the probe and it was quite painful.  Imagine sharp, sudden cramping pains combined with the feeling of your internal organs moving around.  It was like that.

After ten minutes of digging around with both the vaginal and abdominal probes, they decided to just write "non-visualized" on the chart and leave it at that.  The left ovary didn't have any measurable follicles, just a handful under 10, so it was no cause for alarm. 

Flash forward to yesterday...  I had to go in for a CD14 ultrasound and there are still three sizable follicles in the right, but lo and behold, there are two more in the left.  Now, this is unusual.  I have five measurable follicles, but the largest was stuck at 15.5mm.  Still not large enough for trigger.

This morning, I went back.  (Thank goodness I was off from work today because I don't think they would have been pleased at me strolling in an hour-and-a-half late three days in one week.)  At this CD15 scan, they saw the same five follicles and thankfully, the big 15.5 jumped up to 18 overnight.  It still, however, is not large enough for trigger.  I am heading back in tomorrow morning for yet another ultrasound and we will most likely trigger tomorrow night for an IUI on Monday.

This is our absolute last IUI and could be our last treatment for a while.  I think part of me must be in denial because I don't feel nearly as sad as I have felt previously during this course of treatment.  As always, I have that inner conflict of wanting so badly to let myself be optimistic and positive countered by the need to protect myself from likely disappointment.  Of course, it isn't helping matters that I am having the wonkiest cycle of my life with five freakin' follicles just feeding into the hope and positivity side. 

I know that I post often about our likelihood of pursuing IVF, but it is becoming all the more real lately.  In a few weeks, I will be counseled out of this study, possibly pregnant, but more than likely as a failed trial.  That really doesn't seem to be sinking in yet.  Please, please, please let this be it.  I honestly don't know what comes after this if it fails and I don't know if I can bear everyone around me having children while we remain childless and broke.