Are you kidding me?

Tomorrow is the 20 week mark and we will be officially half-baked. Several weeks ago, I made an appointment for the big 20-week-anatomy-scan-and-big-gender-reveal. C and I have known since the beginning that we would like to know the gender of the baby, so we were really excited for today's appointment.

We made informal plans with just family to have a little gender reveal party tomorrow night. We were planning to do something clever, like the pinata loaded with blue or pink candies or the hidden pink or blue sprinkles in the cupcake. Some such thing. We invited a handful of our closest to come over. C had to work today, so the plan was to take an extended lunch and I would pick him up from work and zip over to the imaging center.

He was super excited about this whole endeavor and we even made a friendly bet -- if he "won" and it was a boy, I had to take him to see The Hobbit in the theater and if it was a girl and I was the "winner," he had to take me to one of those paint-your-own-pottery places. I loathed the Lord of the Rings trilogy when it came around the first time and the thought of another 2h45m movie based on Middle Earth makes me want to jump off something tall. Similarly, I have been asking C to take me to a pottery place for years and he has never done it.

Well, there goes the party, the pottery and the damned hobbit. After nearly an hour of scanning, the technician was unable to tell the gender. The baby was apparently sitting like a pretzel with his/her knees bent and the feet all up under his/herself. She tried and tried, but to no avail. She assured us that this rarely happens, which, of course, made us feel so much better.

Here's the thing -- not only are the plans for the gender reveal party and the registry foiled for now, but we are not entitled to another ultrasound. Theoretically, we could be waiting until birth. This really bums me out.

I know that many people choose to remain "Team Green" and be surprised, but we really didn't want that. Honestly, I think the gender-neutral thing is boring and for me, it takes a lot of the joy out of the preparing process. I don't know what theme I would pick for the nursery without knowing. I can't imagine opening all those clothes at the shower with stupid green frogs and yellow ducks. I am just about the furthest thing from imposing gender standards on kids, but that crap is seriously weak.

Though C and I joke about wanting a boy or a girl, we both would have been fine either way, but not knowing really sucks. I will be over-the-moon excited either way, but I'm a little surprised how much this business of not knowing stinks, especially when we have looked forward to it for so long.

I know that some people decide to have elective ultrasounds and pay out of pocket, so I may be looking into this option. I know there is a chance that we may get another ultrasound in the future if there is some kind of problem or for further measurements, but that's no guarantee. I feel like there was already enough uncertainty in getting pregnant, I would like some answers and be allowed to really enjoy it while I am...